Write this Way....

My life has changed thanks to GOOGLE. Why? As an Aspie, I isolate myself. There are many things I have managed at the age of 43 to still not understand and trust me, some of these are things you don't just go up and ask a person, without risking them looking at you like you just arrived on the planet. For example, I never understood the term "clockwise". Does it mean a clock is smart? WTH, right? Try working out and the instructor yells out, "Now do it clockwise". Oh GOOGLE....just type in...WHAT DOES CLOCKWISE MEAN and voila! Everyday I use GOOGLE at least three or four times to understand something I am too embarrassed to ask. I posted a picture of my first diary. I was eight years old and received it as a Christmas present. Meltdown. I did not understand what I was supposed to do, hence the magic marker lines through what I had written. I didn't think I did it right and was very upset. I tried again and started to get upset again until my older brother Lance wrote it for me and showed me how to express myself. I have been writing ever since. Every day can be a struggle to remember basic things, to understand simple things. I have lists and notes. I have notebooks full of photography notes because I continue to forget basic aperture and shutter information. This is why I have never ventured into cooking as most recipes simply overwhelm me and if I buy a new board game, another person has to read the instructions and show me how to play.
What year is my car? Forget. What year did such and such happen? Forget. Who is your doctor? Forget. So I isolate myself because it's easier. Guess it's me and GOOGLE. I trust my family and I trust my boyfriend. Yes, he looks at me funny sometimes but he knows why and makes a joke out of it, although I often have to remind him my thinking is in black and white and there is no gray area. Gray area confuses me. How can there be gray? That doesn't make sense and I truly don't get it. Isn't the gray area just an area for people who make excuses in life? It's either this or that. Right? Yes, I've been told by a counselor I think too much. I am in my head and there's a whole lot going on, songs singing, books being written, patterns of sunlight and shadows being noticed, scents galore, tapping of fingers to numbers....and people wonder why I'm tired by the time 8 pm rolls around.
My father would sit with me at the dining room table for hours trying to explain word problems. Hours and hours. I remember not understand 75% of something. My dad took out four quarters and took away three. BINGO! My brain got it and I never forgot it. Hours and hours and that's all it took. He has always been great like that and I still call him to help me figure out percentages and such. I don't know what I will do without him. He writes on gas cans for me with mixtures for my other garden tools. He, well, he is my rock. He's my dad.
So now at 43, what would my diary entry be?

September 30, 2013
Dear Diary,
It's been a long time. A lot has happened since I last wrote in you. I have changed and grown and I am learning to love who I am more and more each day. My handwriting has improved immensely as well:) I write a lot now and because of you I understand how to express myself and it helps me. It helps me to think and to heal. I still look through you from time to time. I wrote in you until I was in high school. Thank you for being my friend when I needed someone to hear me. 

Always,
Robin

Windows Rolled Down...Life with Aspergers